Blog de Marc Copeland

My sweetheart,

Today, as I was walking back from school (work), Your face could not leave my thoughts and  all the memories that I keep deep down in my soul  emerged again.

Ten years from today, you were taken away from me, taken away from France, and never returned. You were four years old , supposed to be taken to the movies on that day, and you were just recovering from chickenpox .

I never held your hand again, never gave you your bath again, never shared moments with you alone again. In fact, it was the end of our relationship. Everything has been done since then to erase it, to do as if it had never  existed. I don't know if you remember me, I don't know what has been your life since I last saw you. But I surely think of you every day and try to imagine you as a teenager now. It's hard to think all your childhood is gone and I  I failed finding you when you were still a little boy and needed me so much. I have missed you so much ,my love! Only you can know...

It's not too late! I will never give up and hope will always be in my heart. I want you to know that I have never abandonned you and that I will keep looking for you. A mother never abandons her child , she never forgets. You and I were the same and we were so close. It was ten years ago but for me it was yesterday. I am here and I'm waiting for a sign from you, whenever you can, whenever you want, I will be here. Know it , Marc.

I love you immensely,

Maman.

My little Marc,

I was reading a beautiful novel called " Les larmes de l'assassin" by Anne -Laure Bondoux ( I don't know if it has been translated into English) and for some reason ,  it made me think of you so much and I am so sad tonight. I keep thinking of how lonely and desperate you must have felt after you had been taken away from me. I think of all those years you have passed without your mother. A child can't live without his mother, the world is so tasteless, colourless, pale and empty without a mother. What is a childhood like without a mother? I think of your suffering, what has been inflicted on you when you were a little child and I am so sad and so angry. You are my flesh Marc and I want you to come to me, to trust your hidden memories, your instincts. I have never never abandonned you and I am waiting for you every day. I am hurt just like you and you are the only person who can heal that unbearable wound.

Je t'attends inlassablement mon petit Marc,

Maman

My dear Marc,

As days, months, and years go by, I'm wondering what you know about me , about our story, what you remember of your early childhood with me. It is impossible for me to imagine that you are not asking yourself questions, that you are not trying to understand what happened. But what have you been told for years now ? How can you build your own opinion if you only hear one side of the drama.

Please,  trust your heart ,  trust the feelings and memories that  are deep down in your heart. Please,  trust me because, no matter what you have been told, a mother is the first link for a child and I know that you have missed me cruelly because it has been the same terrible feeling of lack for me. Now, you are no longer a child of course but for me, you'll always be my little boy and I'll always be your mum. I have not changed , I'm exactly the same mum you were taken away from when you were 4 .

My sweet heart, I don't want you to be torn apart again, this is what I want the least ! I don't want you to have to choose between your father and your mother. I want you to be free and act as a free person. I wish you could live with whom you want and have a normal relationship with your other parent, that is to say : visit and talk with him or her as often as you wish. We have a lot to catch up with and I'm so impatient to make up for all the moments I were absent ( not by my own decision, believe me ).

I hope you are well my love. PLEASE,TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF! I hope I see you at last !
I LOVE YOU

Maman